Why hello life... clearly you are punking me.

I was duped again. I was duped into believing the lies of someone else. I let them get close to me, they couldn't handle it (I warned him/her like I always do), and they bolted.
LIKE WHAT THE FUCK?
Now I'm getting accused of shit that I'm not. Buddy, its what being in a proper long term relationship is about. You tell each other shit. You talk. You discuss. Guess you are too boring for that. You wanted me to be in it for the long term, but you were the one who couldn't take it. But hey what the fuck do I know about relationships? But I've gotta ask... who the fuck made you relationship expert? Who the fuck made you understand relationships better than I do. Nobody. All I know is what I want in the long term. If you can't fulfill it, not my problem.
(Sorry but its my rage talking, and she isn't very nice.)
But seriously, you convinced me. You got me to do this, and YOU bail. You gave me some reasons, telling me its not my fault. Then you tell a number of people that it is. Don't fucking lie to me, I hate liars and you know that. You didn't even tell me the real reason yourself so how very fucking cowardly of you.
You say you want to be friends but you never fucking talk to me. Hey this is all on you, not me. So fuck you. Fuck you for even trying to make me feel like its my fucking fault. Its not. Get over yourself. Its yours. You couldn't be what I wanted. I couldn't be what you wanted. I should have realized this in the beginning. You're too young and immature if you want all honesty. I'd been considering dumping you near the beginning of our relationship. But I wanted to have faith. I wanted to think you could. Haha what a fucking disappointment. Its probably both of our faults, but doing what you did... it makes it your fault. Not extending me a fair shake... makes it your fault. When you want a person to change, you tell them what you have a problem with, and wait a while for them to change... You did things so out of order so fuck you.
Don't you dare fucking say you loved me, because that is such a fucking lie. Go find some small town dumbass bitch to love. You don't deserve me, never will.
As Marilyn Monroe said "I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
You don't deserve me. At all.

Lizzeh

A lot has changed...

A lot has changed since I last wrote on here. Life has been busy I guess. My relationship with Brandon ended, but we ended on fairly good terms. We're friends still, and we're still speaking. I also had a little fling with a boy that made my heart jump out of my chest. That ended horribly. I was stupid.
There also has been a lot of drama between my high school friends and I.... I'm not exactly sure of how I feel about that stuff... but what the hell can I do? Majority of everybody is so petty and ridiculous now. What happened to letting everything slide off? I'm sure I took a lot of joking abuse from everybody, but I guess that wasn't enough to keep things going. I miss how everything used to be. I mean sure the psychiatrist helped me out a lot, but it also made me see clearer. Made me see the things I just wanted to ignore. I find everything just so shameful.
Currently, I just feel drained. I feel myself going back into my old relationship habits. I realize this is a bad thing, but I'm goddamn trying. Currently, I'm having such a bad-ass mood swing, and I don't know what to do. I'm too scared to goddamn call anyone, especially after the verbal punches my dad let fly at me the other day. I'm not sure if I'm worth anything and thats the most horrible part of my realization. I want to rip apart my chest and see if there is anything deeper. I'm scared of drowning in my own despair. A fairy-tale world of horror of my own making.
Im so fucking scared.

Niagara

Today I went to Niagara falls with my mom and my aunties.
First we went shopping at a factory outlet. I got some clothes, and my aunties and my mom got some coach bags.
Then we went out to eat at some restaurant. I believe I got food poisoning there.
After I had gone to the washroom at the restaurant, we went to a casino. There my mother and one of my aunts started to gamble, while the other aunt and I ventured out to find medicine for my stomach. We found a place to buy the medicine, we also found a t-shirt for my aunt's nephew, and a candy store where we bought some candy. Afterward, my aunt and I went back to the casino where she also started to gamble.
After they were all done, we headed back to Toronto to buy food and drop off one of my aunts. It took a little over an hour and a half or so. Then we headed back home.

What an interesting day...

Lizzeh

I suppose...

I suppose I should write here more often. But often I don't think to. It's easier to just call someone and discuss what is bothering me.

Plus, I never have anything to do that is exciting enough to write very often. Everyday is just a lazy day, which is freaking awesome don't get me wrong. Even if it isn't, not much happens anyways.

But hey, I recently went to AN over the weekend. That is kind of exciting. Bought stuff, saw people, lazed about in the shade, same as every year. No pictures this year though, camera is afk at the moment.

Battery is dead, and I can't find the charger. Getting a new one day in approximately 10 days. Phone is getting fixed AGAIN, they obviously didn't fix it properly. I had to go and drop it off with them today. They better fix it properly, or so help me God I will rage hard. Picking it up in 10 days. When I go pick up my phone I shall go and get the charger. Works out.

Other than seeing friends, taking classes, and just enjoying summer, not much else has been happening. Seeing friends is important though, seen a lot of them many times since summer started at the beginning of May. Saw Brandon a lot, saw Chantelle and Chantal a lot. I have to see Katherine more and Jackie Dy more too. I also have to see Youki and the rest of my Toronto friends more too, I haven't seen many of them for a while. I should also set up something with some of my university friends.

There are a few people I'm very angry with right now too. Some people I don't think I will ever forgive because they have no right to be forgiven, and others still I don't care enough to want to forgive them.

anyways I'm to go to bed. Night.

Lizzeh <3

Hey thur guiz. :D

This is brand new and maybe I should intro myself.

I'm Elizabeth! Lizzeh is the nickname I use. I am in my second year of my university. I like music, and various other thing-a-majiggers and odd stuff. I love my boyfriend very much.

We've been together for about 9 months. A year in July :D

uhhhh... yeah nothing else that i can think of. So today, we hung out together. He ate some hash browns that I made. Then we fooled around on my laptop. Afterwards, my family left and we got some Chinese food. After we cuddled on my couch, and then we played some video games. Overall it was a great day. :)

Love, Lizzeh