What is this?

What is this really?... I never expected this much of a hellfire. After the whole relationship debacle once again in September. My life took a turn for the awesome.
I was making friends, meeting people, having fun, and my life was going well.
Now in like one night, a shit ton happened, and a shit ton fucked up. I mean its not that I can't fix it. I always do.
But its hard to keep doing it when I'm so tired of doing it. Strength. You're so strong. You're so resilient. blah blah blah. Like I'm glad that is what I seem like to my friends, but honestly... whats the point when I'm so exhausted of fixing shit that fucks up, not because of me, but because of what happens.
I just want to be able to work hard and get what I want, not have shit fuck up hard.
And have that shit fuck up in a short period of time.
I'd love that.
Honestly, how despicable are human beings? We act like we care, but few of us really do. I honestly at this point like my cat better than I like almost everybody. We act so selfishly, then we turn around and pretend that we care about other people. In all actuality, that too is an act, because we are just essentially doing it to benefit ourselves. What happened to doing it just to help others? or perhaps doing it for yourself and another? What happened to kindness?
I've had way too many people fuck me over at this point. I'm almost tired of being kind. I just want to shut myself away, or run away and begin a nice new life somewhere else where they'll care.
When I love (friends or lovers), I love loyally and completely. But everyone just doesn't seem to get that. So few people have returned said loyalty. So few people are really so true. I'm sick of it. I'm tired of other people.
Maybe that's just me.

Lizzeh