A lot has changed...

A lot has changed since I last wrote on here. Life has been busy I guess. My relationship with Brandon ended, but we ended on fairly good terms. We're friends still, and we're still speaking. I also had a little fling with a boy that made my heart jump out of my chest. That ended horribly. I was stupid.
There also has been a lot of drama between my high school friends and I.... I'm not exactly sure of how I feel about that stuff... but what the hell can I do? Majority of everybody is so petty and ridiculous now. What happened to letting everything slide off? I'm sure I took a lot of joking abuse from everybody, but I guess that wasn't enough to keep things going. I miss how everything used to be. I mean sure the psychiatrist helped me out a lot, but it also made me see clearer. Made me see the things I just wanted to ignore. I find everything just so shameful.
Currently, I just feel drained. I feel myself going back into my old relationship habits. I realize this is a bad thing, but I'm goddamn trying. Currently, I'm having such a bad-ass mood swing, and I don't know what to do. I'm too scared to goddamn call anyone, especially after the verbal punches my dad let fly at me the other day. I'm not sure if I'm worth anything and thats the most horrible part of my realization. I want to rip apart my chest and see if there is anything deeper. I'm scared of drowning in my own despair. A fairy-tale world of horror of my own making.
Im so fucking scared.